We get there by separating the people from the problem and focusing on the substantive problems as we

                + address our respective interests,
                + cooperate in developing options for satisfying those interests,
                + weigh proposed outcomes against shared standards of fairness, and
                + ask whether potential agreements are better than what we can accomplish on our own.

The process is one in which the parties check to assure that they each see the relevant reality the same way, engage in accurate communication, and act in a trustworthy fashion at all times.

This method—often called the Harvard Method—has been used effectively in thousands upon thousands of successful negotiations. Individuals have used it to work out agreement on comparatively trivial matters. Heads of state and leaders of political factions have found it helpful in resolving intractable disputes such as the transition to majority rule in South Africa and the peace agreement in Northern Ireland.

It has been described and outlined in Getting To Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, Getting Together: Building Relationships as We Negotiate, Beyond Winning, Beyond Machiavelli, and other books and articles by people associated with the Harvard Program on Negotiation.